At the school where I teach, I occasionally see that someone has pissed all over the toilet seat in the staff bathroom. In response, I posted the following:
A Modest Proposal
As a man, and blessed with the ability to urinate in a standing position, I was taught to place the toilet seat down when I finish. After all, since I’m not the one who has to dirty his thighs, the chivalrous thing to do is lift the seat, put it back down and wash my hands afterwards. This always seemed fair enough to me. In the current circumstances, however, I’ve come to see my logic as specious. In the third floor bathroom, I’ve often noticed a generous splattering on the toilet seat, a glowing archipelago studding the entire rim, as though the streamer’s effort at direction had been little more than a casual nod northwards, an eyes-closed guestimate. Because it seems futile to hope that the culpable adult will suddenly learn to lift the seat himself (or wipe his lazy mess), I’m proposing that the politest thing for everyone would be for the women to lift the seat when they’re finished. And, when necessary, the men should too.
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