What must come attached: A Defense of Most Men

In The Book of Dahlia, Elisa Albert writes that men just want to put their dick in something "warm and alive." As often as I've heard something similar and as amusing as I find this idea in theory, when I consider the truth of it, I know very few people who are actually like that. Maybe because there are those handful of guys who will (5%? 10% maybe), our amazement is so overwhelming that it bleeds into our perception of men in general. Most of the guys I know, when not in a state of frantic lonely desperation, actually maintain unrealistic expectations of what must come attached to the vagina.

Culture of Exposure

Recently, I've been trying to understand why people on social networking sites post private messages in public spaces. What is the motivation? Exaggerated self-importance? A naive belief that everyone is interested in interpersonal mundanites? Pure obliviousness maybe? For those of you who are unfamiliar with this particular format of self-exposure, it usually reads something like this: Hey, George! Just wanted to say hello because, you know, like we never talk on the phone or meet in person because apparently we're both too lazy to keep up and both seem to assume that it doesn't matter because, you know, when we eventually get around to seeing each other again at a birthday party or whatever, we can talk shit like we only neglected each other for, you know, like a week or something. LOL

Sometimes it reads like this: OMG! Can't believe how trashed we got last night! =)

Compliments are also popular: You looked great last night! ;)

Or: So sexy! [referring to a photo someone posted of him/herself glaring lasciviously at a camera]

As silly as these parodies are—and, actually, they're almost verbatim quotes—the point here is not to advocate for privacy in expression; I'm all for gossip. Most anyone who writes fiction or blogs believes that exposing other people's business is a worthwhile (or at least entertaining) endeavor. But I'm requesting that what is posted be interesting. Please, keep the quotidian concealed behind the electronic curtain of email, so I don't have to feel any guilt for laughing at you while I laugh at what you write.